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© 2020 by HarpFamilyInstitute 

Is Love a Choice?

I found myself thinking about two completely opposite things we say on a regular basis depending on the situation. "Love is a choice" and "We can't choose who we love."

So which is it? Study after study has shown that a child will love a parent regardless of how damaging that parent has been to them. It's in the DNA. Men and women often go back to abusive relationships claiming things like, the heart wants what the heart wants. And yet, on the flip side, we are embracing the notion that for some people, love is a choice. Whether you prefer men, women, both, or individuals who don't subscribe to a particular gender, we say love is a choice. So which is it?

I came to my own conclusion this morning. Regardless of how you see it, as a choice or not, what most definitely IS a choice, is with whom we choose to show our love; who we determine is deserving of the love we have to show them. So it may be that we can't help but love people who aren't good for us, but the acts of love we show them are a choice.


So today, choose wisely. Who is your orbit is deserving of your acts of love? What makes them deserving? Let them know. Tell them. Show them.

And to those who are not deserving, make a conscious effort to save some of the energy you typically send their way either for yourself or for someone new who has earned your respect.